Lost

I didn't intend to write this post, but I feel if I don't I won't sleep well like I haven't done for the past days because it's been itching in my mind and I would talk to friends or family about it, but they've heard it before it's not something that happened recently about four years ago now. As Easter approaches. This isn't a post for attention, it's a post to get things off my chest, without being too specific.

From year four to year eleven I had this best friend who I trusted with my life, I had other friends too who were close like Matt, Jess, Tommy all three good friends in primary school and middle, now and many more along the way in secondary school. This friend was someone I had a lot of good memories with and could talk about anything, felt like it was going to be a friend for life no reason to believe other wise.

In year 10 and part of 11 I think? he dated a girl who was within the friend group at the time and they dated for a year or so and it was one of those relationships where he didn't like her talking to any other girls, but the guy friends like me didn't really see it to be honest just knew he was a bit clingy...well a lot. The relationship ended and it caused a lot of friction as he was accused of being forceful and at the time I didn't believe it, how could I, he was my best friend, I just thought ah she probably just wants to gain attention or something naive like that. Time went on and he then went on to date a family member of mine, which I wasn't okay with it caused me and this family member not to talk for a while and me and him not to talk for a good while, I eventually came around and started talking to him again we were fine, it was a bit weird but I adjusted.

They broke up, my mum said she didn't want my friend coming around any more I thought fair enough, so I made sure of it, a week later we camped under a over pass bridge, the ones that crossed over the top of the dual carriageways and there was a bushy area you could hear the cars as I barely slept on one of those crap mats that go under the sleeping bag acting as a mattress, more just a pain in the ass really. We left early hours of the morning, this friend helped me with my tent and that was the last time I saw him before I knew. A week before my mum and this family member plus some others wanted to talk in the kitchen about this friend and they refused to let me in the kitchen and I was annoyed, I wanted to know.

So after the camping trip I was sitting down on my Xbox, and my Mum came in the room sat down and told me my best friend forced himself on this family member, she asked if I was okay, I just wanted to be left alone. So much anger and rage felt that point, every good memory with this friend diminished into nothing, dust. At this point as the title indicates I felt lost... I mean who could I have talked to at this point I felt no one really because this guy was my best friend I talked to him about everything he helped me become confident and not be so hard on myself how could I trust this advice. The only thing I wanted to do was cause damage to him, it was the point of anger that I felt if I put my fist in his face it would go through his skull and out the other side, the unhealthy type of anger.

Eventually the police got involved, but that did nothing  the second time he was accused but no charge, walks free and still goes around now. I saw him around town a couple of times since then and I wanted to do something but I knew, I'd wreck my future I'd get charged with some kind of assault charge while he walked away after two accounts of rape, how fucked up is society?

It took a while I started to put my trust in people again, it was a hard thing to do but people were always there since it happened it just was hard for me to trust people, because the person I trusted most hurt me in more ways than imaginable - it changed me, it made me realise that you have to be careful who you trust no matter what. It's even effected relationships with people, I just became scared of becoming hurt. I wanted to talk to him again ask him why but he was a liar, a pathological one when we were friends he would deny obvious things even if everyone else knew it wasn't true, so why would he admit such a thing, I honestly think something was wrong with this person as if he didn't know what he did, there was always something about him that gave off that vibe.

Now I have the best friends I could ask for and new ones at University, my best friends at home mean everything to me, it's like another weird family put together and I hope we always are friends, they helped me get through dark times and I hope I have gave them the same back . So to all close friends who do read this, thank you truly without you I am nothing. They made me realise that some hard situations you can never forget and may still hurt at times but you learn to deal with them better along the way as time passes.

Liam -

Why did you say yes to the Latte for pudding, it's 9PM, you won't sleep! [Technology] Part 1 Mobiles and Consoles.

Probably the fastest growing invention, always ever changing and sometimes I can't even keep up with it, today I saw that IKEA have made sofa's that come with wireless phone chargers - we don't even have to move any more, next it comes with an inbuilt coffee machine and a tube for the loo there for your Netflix needs or maybe console needs. 

I was thinking to myself the other day how far technology has come even in my short 20 years, from playing the NES to having a console that has wireless internet with access to games, with the choice of not even having to buy them physically just have them downloaded, YouTube millions of videos created with so many different variety's of entertainment and experiences at our fingertips and Netflix movies and series to binge watch, binge watching when I was younger would of been DVD's or video tapes stacked, now it's all there. 

Mobile phones for me it came from having the mobile where Snake was on the phone and the battery lasted for ages, then a few years go the mobiles start to have colour on them, then it gets a bit crazier with the Sony Ericsson phase I had about three, with the ability to have music on your phone - then it gets a bit more crazier with the iPhone, the iPhone apps at the touch of a button then it kind of just exploded from there with new iPhones, touch screen phones and many different apps. Apps that now have in game purchases so you can cheat to go ahead of people, clever I'll give them that. Phones Camera's just get better, with Camera's being just as good as ones you can buy in the shop but not totally the stage of professional camera's but perhaps soon. I can now grab my windows phone watch Netflix, BBC iPlayer, Skype a friend. In so little time technology evolved to more than some people can even comprehend. Being able to ask the app Siri on the iPhones how to get somewhere or what something is by voice command then it searches for you.

Consoles now that is one that has changed dramatically in the past 30 years or so, from having 2D games with text based dialogue like the original Zelda games with the NES to eventually moving to 3D, the PS1 is a great example of the change games having voice actors, more depth to story and eventually evolving to PS2 which saw improvement in graphics, dialogue, story such as Grand Theft Auto  San Andreas one of the most popular games on the PS2, having that free roam ability was amazing, bored of doing so many missions why not go around shooting the place up or customizing your car. Xbox saw the Halo series come about, which will always be one of my favourite series due to playing a lot with my cousin when I was younger, still on-going to just  question where will they take it next? -- but not too much detail on that, maybe another blog. Next the Xbox 360 and PS3 wireless controllers, the consoles that changed gaming forever being able to access online competitive games easier, party chat with friends, gain achievements and trophies for the progress. These consoles saw Call of Duty in a whole new aspect, online. The multiplayer had various games modes, with kill streaks, then Zombies came along in World at War being able to survive waves and waves of zombies with friends. MW2 then stepping it up again with customised killsteaks with the highest being the NUKE 25 kills, game over. It was the bragging rights on the game. MW2 saw the increase of quickscoping, trick shotting clans, to explain a trick shot... one 'simple' one was doing a 360 degrees jump of a building then no-scoping (not aiming down the scope to shoot) someone. Game commentaries on YouTube, when YouTube and Gaming started to become one, with montages of sniping, across the map throwing knife kills. Then Black ops came making it possible to record clips and making them into a montage so you could prove to your friends or clan that you hit that shot if you didn't have recording gear or that amazing killstreak. But these consoles weren't just revolutionary for their games they came with apps like BBC iPlayer, ITV Player, the very popular Netflix and many different types of streaming. There's so much more I can say about these consoles like the Kinect with the Xbox or the Nintendo Wii with Sensor controllers playing tennis with the swing of the arm and a controller. Games then had DLC which was extra's to the game such as extra story or extra's to a character such as a bonus costume etc.

The next gen/current gen then changed this completely now we have consoles that can record clips by clicking the dashboard  button or by voice activation, being able to live stream from a console on Twitch or getting the best clips then uploading them straight to Youtube, having bigger memory storage so much more that these consoles will have to offer, introducing cloud storage more onto these consoles so everything is saved online, go on another xbox and download the account all the  saves are there again not on a memory card like PS2 and PS1. But yeah that was a mouthful and still not into the full depth of mobiles and consoles and how it changed for me.

Liam